


I know that it's not (but I have to believe that it is)

by saysthemagpie



Series: fanvids [3]
Category: Men's Hockey RPF
Genre: Ambiguous/Open Ending, Angst, Career Ending Injuries, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, except that geno gets hurt and sid can't provide the comfort
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-01
Updated: 2020-08-01
Packaged: 2021-03-06 04:09:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 317
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25657186
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/saysthemagpie/pseuds/saysthemagpie
Summary: Zhenya's career is over, but Sid's the one who leaves. [video fic]
Relationships: Sidney Crosby/Evgeni Malkin
Series: fanvids [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1855405
Comments: 3
Kudos: 11





	I know that it's not (but I have to believe that it is)

**Author's Note:**

> fanvid / vidfic set to julien baker's "appointments." 
> 
> if you'd like to read spoilery headcanons, i've put them at the very bottom of the page.

I can't get the youtube player to embed properly, so once again, [here's the youtube link](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RLK4uIIqk8s).

rebloggable tumblr post is [here](https://ticklefightharry.tumblr.com/post/625285187191832576/a-belated-fandom-present-for-genos-birthday).

in my head, this is Zhenya's POV, but you are welcome to interpret it however you like.

[scroll down for spoilery headcanons after watching]

my headcanon: Zhenya suffers what will end up being a career-ending injury, although it takes months of unsuccessful surgeries and rehab and agonizing hope for him to accept that he isn't coming back. As it becomes more apparent that his retirement is inevitable, Sid gradually starts pulling away from him. He's still the model of a perfect captain, but within their friendship (or relationship) he becomes increasingly distant and hard to reach, leaving Zhenya to struggle alone with first the injury and then the realization that his time in Pittsburgh is over. Zhenya interprets Sid's detachment as disappointment in him, even if Sid will never voice it aloud -- if Zhenya had only been stronger, smarter, _better_ , maybe he could've made good on his promise to play with Sid till the very end. The reality, of course, is more complicated: Sid's raw grief and anger feels like an open wound, and, like a good hockey robot, he chooses to deal with it by repressing all but the most professional feelings about losing Zhenya. By the time he's able to understand his own feelings, Zhenya's gone. They don't keep in touch.

You can interpret the ending as hopefully or as angstily as you like. In my head, that last part isn't necessarily 'real': it's Sid, years later maybe, imagining the kind of life Zhenya might have built for himself in Russia -- and imagining, too, that with time Zhenya's come to understand why Sid couldn't let himself truly feel his own grief at the time. Maybe they eventually reconcile, or maybe it always remains this thing in Sid's life that he can never make right.

**Author's Note:**

> come talk to me on tumblr @ ticklefightharry!


End file.
